I know what you're thinking. Did I fall of the funny farm bus, the turnip truck, or the runaway crazy train? Is there a gas leak in my office? What am I doing writing about safer school zones? All good questions, some of which I will answer honestly.

Where I live, there is roughly one school zone for every half mile of roadway. In these areas, the speed limit is 20 MPH during the before and after school time windows. As a result, I simply don't go anywhere between the hours of 2:00 PM and 3:45 PM, because you just can't get anywhere going that speed. However, there are random occasions in which I find myself in these dreaded slow speed zones, and as such, I have observed the following.

The 20 MPH rule. It's a good one. It's been tried and tested by time, and for the most part I think it is a very important school zone law. But as mention before, extreme times call for extreme measures. And yes, we're in extreme times. On September 8th, 1952, when the first 20 MPH school zone law was recorded (FYI, I made that date up), the mobile phone wasn't even a dream yet; nor was the 10 disc CD changer, touch screen navigation panels, or the array of car-adapting iPod docks. So besides an ever explosive electronics industry, what's all this mean? I'll tell you what it means.

Distractions.

Multiple distractions that is. Focusing on driving seems to be more of a tertiary priority when behind the wheel these days. Which means, the 20 MPH school zone laws are simply dated, and it's time to adapt. In short, we need an additional law on top of the 20 MPH rule.

Let's just call it the "School Zone Cell Phone" law, which by the way is a much better name then the would be law-makers will come up with (IE, section iii of paragraph 2 in the state automobile educatory motorist communications act). They always come up with some mouth-full of nonsense, and then act like we're supposed to know what they're referring to. But I digress.

The Law: no talking on cell phones while passing through a school zone! Simple enough, right? Hang up the phone and pay attention to the children you should be trying not to hit. I mean come on, it takes eyes on all sides of your head if you are going to dodge the weeble-wobbling bicycle with the kid carrying a tuba on his back. Talking on a cell phone basically turns you into a below average monkey behind the wheel. Now all it takes is a low hanging banana or a nice set of climbable branches, and BAM! You're in a wreck. You get my point.

Call your statesman, write your congressman, and let's git-r-done. What do you say? No more cell phones in school zones.